All my great plans for my blog as I started it… plans for posts, plans to post frequently (once a week at least), they all went out the window when I found out I was pregnant and almost immediately found myself sick and exhausted beyond what I considered normal pregnancy stuff. But then, this is my first pregnancy with 2 little ones already demanding so much from me. From mid April through all of June, my days were as follows:
Get up, send Scott to work, feed the kids and I breakfast, put away any food, take a shower, walk the garbage down the driveway, feed the kids PB&Js and grab something for myself, and collapse on the couch for 2 1/2 hours. Sometimes I’d collapse before lunch without being able to even get dressed. Then, somewhere around 4pmish I finally would get enough energy to get dinner going and start cleaning the kitchen from our earlier meals.
Most of my time on the couch was spent napping, and I found that while I didn’t seem to get a whole lot accomplished in one day, I still had very little time online. I checked email, and facebook briefly once or twice a day and that was it. I quickly realized I had to let go of my “blogging dream” and just live. My children needed me, and now the new little Apple growing in me seemed to need me more then I remembered. My husband needed me too, as did my home, and I had so little energy. I was oh so very thankful to wake up the day after being “11 weeks” feeling like I could get things done before collapsing. And I did. The next couple weeks reminded me not to try and get done everything on my good days because it would make me more tired the next day, but if I paced things, I could get so much more accomplished. The piles of papers and clutter started disappearing (you know, the stuff that needed to get put in another room, and I didn’t even have the energy to take an extra trip down the hall unless I had more then one reason), and my kitchen counters started to be [mostly] clear on a regular basis again. I think the whole family was glad to get some more participation from me. And of course, I realized that during my time of “surviving” I had become lazy in putting the time and effort into training my little ones as I didn’t care if they were getting into trouble as long as it wasn’t hurting them. 🙂
God has also done a lot of work in my heart this summer. He’s broken down walls and barriers that I didn’t realize I had put up. I only knew something wasn’t right because I couldn’t seem to draw close to Him like I used to. But God never leaves the side of one of His children who’s seeking Him (or the ones who aren’t). He never stops working even when I feel like I’m holding on by a string. God is good! His ways are right! He amazes me repeatedly with how He works. He takes something I think is life-altering and makes sure it IS! He softens hearts that are hard, and hearts that don’t know they are hard. He opens eyes to see through His eyes, from His perspective, and He opens ears to hear.